How To Stop Being Possessed By An Ex
Most of us have faced a breakup at some point. When that happens, we can feel the whole world collapsing around us. The emotional effect of ending a relationship is undeniable and inevitable. However, some people do not handle the grieving process properly and this can lead to harmful behaviors such as being possessed by an ex.
Lack of ability to remove focus from a former partner who is no longer a part of one’s current life is relatively common. Many people are stuck in memories, constantly checking their ex-boyfriends profiles on social media and keeping an eye on them in hopes of being able to restore the relationship.
All of the above situations are detrimental to one’s self-esteem and prevent one from moving forward. Sometimes, however, this urge is irresistible. Understanding why this is happening and following some instructions will help one to get out of this vicious circle.
Why is it so common to be obsessed with an ex?
Being obsessed with an ex is something that often happens when a relationship ends recently. It is not a question of weakness or lack of willpower. There are actually powerful physical and psychological reasons that lead to it.
On the one hand, when we are in love, the brain releases substances such as dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin. They activate our neural reward system and produce pleasant feelings of euphoria and satisfaction.
When the band is broken, the flow of hormones stops, creating a withdrawal syndrome. Cortisol (the stress hormone) also begins to flow through the body, causing discomfort and even some health problems. It is easy to understand that the body seeks the previous level of neurotransmitters, leading to seeking contact with one’s ex.
On the other hand, ending the relationship also involves the destruction of shared illusions, expectations, and future plans.
If one’s identity was closely linked to the role of another’s partner, then the breakup entails a need to find out who one is. All of this can be scary and overwhelming, so we respond by trying to recreate emotional security.
This is how you can stop being possessed by an ex
When the above happens, one is not free to experience the negative and unpleasant feelings that come with grief. However, there are several things you can do about it.
Stopping being possessed by an ex is partly a matter of determination and discipline. And for that, the following guidelines can be very helpful.
Accept reality
The first stage of grief is usually denial. However, it is important not to stay in this state for too long and to accept that the relationship is over. If one continues to think that it was just a quarrel, that there is a solution, or that the other person will change his mind and come back, it will just catch one and keep one tied to another person.
Zero contact
If the breakup happened recently, it is normal to want to maintain contact with his ex to know how they are feeling. However, it is important to have zero contact, at least for the first few months.
Avoid seeing the person, talking to them and having any kind of contact. But also make sure you do not look at pictures or old conversations or check their profiles on social media.
It is a matter of getting the brain used to the person’s absence. If you continue to seek their physical and symbolic presence, you will continue to nurture and strengthen the ancient neural connections. Allow yourself to get out of the hormonal wave that the relationship produced.
Give a new meaning to what happened
Often we become obsessed with an ex because we find it overwhelming to accept that all the time, energy and illusions that have been invested have been wasted. No one likes to feel like they failed.
That is why it is important to change the way we perceive what happened and keep in mind that all experiences are enriching. Everything therefore has a meaning, even if the relationship is over.
Focus on yourself
Lastly, focus on yourself. The healthiest thing to do is to continue nurturing and nurturing all other areas of one’s life. This is true even when you are in a relationship. However, this often does not happen and we tend to focus too much on the other person.
When we lose focus on ourselves, we may feel an emptiness that we do not know how to fill. And the best alternative is always to start dedicating all our time and attention to ourselves. We must reconnect with ourselves and take care of ourselves and our goals.
It is worth the effort to try to stop being possessed by an ex
It is not easy to prevent being possessed by an ex, especially if we are suffering from low self-esteem or were in an emotionally dependent relationship. However, it is a decision that we must make and uphold for the sake of our mental and emotional health.
The only person who will stay with you forever is without a doubt yourself. So prioritize your well-being and focus your energy and resources on working on yourself. Be grateful for the time you spend with the other person, be forgiving and be open to new experiences and opportunities that will come your way.
