Upbringing Styles: What Type Of Parent Are You?

Psychologists have looked at the way we raise our children and how they can be categorized.

Parenting styles: What type of parent are you?

Parenting styles are an expression of how parents treat and respond to their children. In this article, the psychologist, Marcelo Ceberio, will talk about the different types that exist.

Parenting styles are relational constructs that deal with parents’ conscious, voluntary and involuntary behaviors, attitudes, gestures, and their verbal and non-verbal messages to their children. It is also about the technical, tactical and communication strategies used.

No institution teaches people how to be parents. Instead, you learn the role through the way you were brought up. It is also characterized by the actions and markings that the parents themselves believe are right. In other words, the whole family background is the starting point when it comes to raising children.

But parents also reflect on their children. In other words, our parenting styles involve involuntary disclosure of information. So parents are more transparent than they think. They radiate values, opinions, different emotional expressions, forms of communication and orders, among other things. Find out more below.

Parenting styles – what type of parent are you?

The psychologist, Diana Baumrind, has developed one of the most well-known theories about ways of educating. She divided parenting types into four categories:

The authoritarian. These parents tell their children exactly what to do.
The indulgent. This type of parent lets their children do just what they want.
The authoritative. These parents provide advice and guidance, without being strongly dominant.
The uninvolved. This type of parent is not interested in the children and they focus on other things.

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Diplomatic, authoritative parents

This type of parent is balanced and maintains open communication with their children. This is the best way to make children understand.

They are also demanding, responsive and focused on their children. In addition, they want their children to become independent and responsible adults. They understand their children’s feelings, and teach them how to deal with them.

In general, they are not so controlling. This allows children to explore the world more freely and they can make their own decisions, based on their own thoughts.

By supporting the children’s own initiatives, this type of parent enables them to solve the problems they encounter in their daily lives. It then later leads to independence.

When punishing their children, they explain the reason for the punishment, which is rarely either severe or random. Because even though they usually forgive, they try to explain, instead of punishing. This can then give children with a higher self-esteem, and more independence.

This style of upbringing also lays down clear rules and fixed frameworks. It allows children to develop their independence.

In addition, such parents always expect responsible behavior from their children, but always in accordance with their age. In other words, children must behave as can be expected from their developmental stages.

They value their children, and are aware of their needs, concerns and interests. For these reasons, experts consider it the best of the various parenting styles.

The authoritarian

These parents are not responsive, and have high expectations of their children. They also set up a totalitarian system characterized by the expectation of full obedience to the rules of the family. Thus, there is not much open dialogue between parents and children. Children are not allowed to question their parents’ orders.

This parenting style is restrictive, and parents staff their children if they do not live up to their expectations. Furthermore, they expect the children to respect the time and effort they put into raising them.

Parents do not encourage dialogue, and may decide to shut it down as a means of discipline. It could be: “Do not talk to me until you do as I have said”. Often the only explanation they give their children is: “Because I say so”.

Here one is also less aware of the children’s needs, and is more likely to hit or shout at them, rather than talk about the problem. Children who experience this type of upbringing may have poorer social skills. This is because their parents usually tell them what to do, instead of letting them choose for themselves.

Such parents exercise discipline, without allowing their child any independence. They regard obedience as a goal, and therefore they prefer punishment.

Indulgence is another of our parenting styles

Indulgent parents are very attentive to the needs and wants of their children. They tend not to have too many expectations in terms of behavior. In this type of upbringing, the parents are very involved.

But they do not expect much from their children, and do not have much control over their lives. This lack of boundaries makes it difficult for children to develop self-control skills.

Children of indulgent parents are often immature, have difficulty controlling their impulses, and are not very socially responsible. They have, in other words, tended to be more impulsive and may become socially marginalized during their youth.

Children never really learn to control their own behavior, but always expect to be accepted in everything they do. This upbringing style often results in rude or spoiled children expecting others to let them have their way.

Regardless of our parenting styles, all children need love, as seen here with mother reaching out to daughter

The uninvolved style

These parents are neither demanding nor flexible. They are also cold, and usually do not get involved in their children’s lives. So they do not make demands or set boundaries, nor do they give the children any responsibility.

Children with uninvolved parents often think that other parts of their parents’ lives are more important to them.

Uninvolved parents often ignore their children’s feelings and opinions. They do not really support them in anything, but limit themselves to providing the basic things (a place to live, education and food). Often they are emotionally absent and sometimes also physically. This means that there is often no communication, even when one is physically present.

Nor are they aware of the needs of their children, and do not expect them to behave in any particular way. Children who grow up in an uninvolved environment are at risk of developing emotional and behavioral problems as adults.

The lack of loving care and good advice has a very negative impact on these children and young people. They may therefore feel insecure, inferior and dependent. There may be problems with socializing, and a tendency to get frustrated easily.

Specific types of parenting styles

Through my work with teens, I have encountered many parenting quirks in interviews with parents. Based on Baumrind’s parenting styles, I can highlight several types of parenting. But you need to be aware that most parents combine several types, which is why parenting is a bit of a difficult size.

The culprits: Parents who feel guilty if they set boundaries. They want to be recognized and loved by their children. They think it leads to rejection if they say “no”.
The demanding: They encourage their children to discover all their talents. They also value and motivate.
The overly demanding: These always talk about what their children have not achieved. So they do not appreciate what the children have achieved, but focus only on what they have not accomplished. Indirectly, it helps to make them inferior.
The authoritarian: Here are the dictators who do not explain the background of their borders and prohibitions. What the kids want does not matter. They only have an eye for what they themselves think is best for the children.
Those who set appropriate boundaries: Mothers and fathers who set effective, clear, flexible, and comprehensible boundaries.

The overly rewarding: Parents who believe that by giving and taking care of all the children’s wishes, they can ensure the right development for them.
The unlimited indulgence: Such parents are extremely preoccupied with what their children want and do not slow them down in their whims. In other words, they do not set boundaries. They often do not guide them, and end up subordinating themselves to their own children.
The Pleasant: Parent couples who need the love and recognition of their children and will always please them to feel valued. They are convinced that the best place for their children is at home.

And there are several types to observe:

The overprotective: They overprotect their children, and do not encourage them to become independent. They are basically afraid that something will happen to them. They do everything for their children.
Those who transfer: Fathers and mothers who try to pass on their own frustrated wishes to the children. They pass on what they could not themselves to the children. They do not listen to the children’s wishes.

The Givers: Parents Guiding Their Children. They give them advice, but also give them the freedom to make their own decisions. They give them, for example, material things as steps on the road to independence. They know they have to let them go.
The Almighty: They believe they can handle anything. They give the kids everything they need and more.
Those who communicate: The parents prioritize communication, and explain what are the norms in the family. They do not pressure their children. Instead, they show respect, ask questions, and avoid taking things for granted.
The Boundless: Such parents encourage freedom and independence, without taking into account the children’s actual emotional life, or how mature they are in terms of independence.
The Appreciators: These provide emotional support. They express love and affection through their words and approach.

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Dangerous combinations of parenting styles

Boundless and omnipotent. Not only do they encourage boundless freedom, but they also give their children everything, and do not let them develop. For example, they can give the child an apartment so that he or she can live for himself or herself, but at the same time cover all their expenses. They often keep their children in captivity because they call for independence, but at the same time cover all their needs.
The good and the bad. This could be an authoritarian and a guilty parent. One sets extreme and tight limits, gives orders and punishes the child. On the other hand, the other parent will protect and justify the child. It is a triangle that can easily cause conflicts.

Forgiving and guilty. Parents do not allow boundless behavior, and do not feel guilty when they do not set boundaries. Consequences are that they end up being the children of their children. Put another way, a reverse hierarchy arises. Here the children dominate and the parents become oppressed.
Those who transfer and demand excessively. These parents do not just ignore their children’s wishes or ambitions. At the same time, they are very demanding, completely unaware of what children want and can do. They usually focus on what their children are missing, based on their own scale. The characteristics of authoritarian parents can further aggravate the situation.

You never stop learning

In other words, a supportive and well-functioning parent is one who is in favor of development, independence, communication, loving expressions and clear boundaries. They thus have the following characteristics: Appreciative + rewarding with care + productively demanding + reasonably boundary-setting + communicative.

Parenting styles are not a utopia of being perfect parents. Raising children is like learning something every day.